Now For Something Completely Different…

So I realize I haven’t posted anything in a while. Part of it is me being busy, part of it is me not doing anything too exciting in Eve lately. But a lot of it has to do with me being lazy. Either way I actually did write out a post today about all the things I love so far about the Odyssey expansion, but due to a fluke accident of the interwebs (damn you NSA!) I lost the post. I then had a brilliant idea. I would interview one of my best friends about Eve and the new expansion and share her opinions with the community!

*DISCLAIMER: This person has never played a computer game in her life and is only vaguely aware of what Eve is*

Vult: Hi! This is going to be great, I’m so excited!
[Censored]: Hi!
Vult: Let’s start from the beginning. If you had to come up with a name for yourself in the far distant future, what would it be?
[Censored]: Oh, we’re going to the far distant future?
[Censored]: Smurpha the hut
[Censored]: MURPHASAUR!
Vult: This has already proven to be a great idea.
Vult: Alright, so what do you know about Eve online?
MURPHASAUR: It’s online. It’s a game, and you write a blog about it.
MURPHASAUR: I always think it involves a woman named eve, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t.
Vult: You would be correct.
Vult: The first thing any player does in Eve is create a character and decide which of the 4 races they would be, either MinMatar, Amarr, Gallente, or Caldari. Which race do you think best captures your personality?
MURPHASAUR: I think it would definitely be the Caldari. Sounds pretty Italian to me.
MURPHASAUR: I don’t need a race with two names like MinMatar, Amarr definitely does not need that second ‘R,’ and Gallente sounds gallant but seems kind of quiet.
MURPHASAUR: I bet the Caldari can fuck some shit up.
MURPHASAUR: Am I allowed to swear in this blog?
MURPHASAUR: But they probably do it in a nice way that makes them respected.
Vult: You think someone can fuck shit up in a respectful sort of way?
MURPHASAUR: For sure. They are tough but fair.
Vult: You know the Caldari were almost completely conquered by the Gallente and are now ruled by mega-capitalist corporations right?
Vult: And yes, I swear all the fucking time in this blog.
MURPHASAUR: You neglected to mention that.
Vult: As I’m sure you know, CCP recently released the Odyssey expansion of Eve Online. What are your thoughts on how it’s improved the game if at all?
MURPHASAUR: Well, typically people get excited about a game expansion. Especially one from CCP.
MURPHASAUR: But I have to say that I’m not convinced that it’s improved the game at all. They might need a double-expansion pack instead.
MURPHASAUR: Things seem faster. More RAM, probably.
MURPHASAUR: And more “pew pew” shooting power.
MURPHASAUR: The colors are wild, man.
MURPHASAUR: But otherwise I didn’t see evidence of an expanded storyline, which is really what I was looking for.
MURPHASAUR: I was especially hoping for some extra romance storylines.
Vult:  You and me both.
Vult: As a female gamer, how do you feel the eve community treats the female denizens of Eve?
MURPHASAUR: As a prolific female gamer, I don’t think the female denizens of Eve get enough respect.
MURPHASAUR: First of all, why is it all about big boobs, curvy bodies, and tight-ass clothes?
MURPHASAUR: It’s unrealistic to expect the female denizens to fight wars in such attire.
MURPHASAUR: Second of all, why don’t the women get more glory? We are tired of being reduced to side-kick roles.
Vult: Well actually everyone in Eve is naked in a capsule that is connected to the space ships.
MURPHASAUR: Third…wait, what?
Vult: Yeah all the pilots of Eve kind of float in this fluid filled capsule and pilot the ships using the mind links they have grafted to their brains. Kind of like the Matrix.
Vult: But it’s still assumed they’re all big breasted and curvy.
MURPHASAUR: But…do you still get to see the matrix-style action, or do you just imagine it while floating in fluid capsules?
MURPHASAUR: I don’t get it, but either way the ratio of male to female Eve pilots is pitiful.
MURPHASAUR: Naked or clothed, the female denizens deserve an equal chance to float nudey in fluid capsules and pilot shit with their brains.
Vult: You just like saying denizens whenever you get the chance don’t you?
MURPHASAUR: Denizens is a great word.
Vult: There is a small chance that you could become an “Eve personality” once this gets published. Would you be willing to create a character in game to receive/respond to fan mail if that were to occur?
MURPHASAUR: Fan mail?! DEFINITELY! Bring it on, denizens!
Vult: Great, I’ll start picking out tight clothes for you when I get back to my computer.
MURPHASAUR: That’s not funny. I shall bring the force of the Gallente down on your liquid capsule!
Vult: I thought you were Caldari.
MURPHASAUR: I converted.
Vult: Fair enough. Thanks MURPHASAUR, this has been enlightening.
MURPHASAUR: I do my best, denizen.
MURPHASAUR: Thanks for the chance to talk about Eve!

And there you have it. The first Capsule in the Void interview. I think this is going to have to become a somewhat regular thing.


Vult: This might be the best blog I’ve ever written.
MURPHASAUR: Well that’s because I helped you write it.
MURPHASAUR: Denizens unite!